When You Combine Thinking with Feeling it generates an Emotion

Self-esteem is how we value and perceive ourselves. Summed up, it is your overall opinion of yourself. Healthy self-esteem is established when you feel good about who you are and feel that you deserve the respect of others.

Low self-esteem – is always a false belief about ourselves, thinking poorly of ourselves, not giving ourselves credit for the value we provide for others.

Many times, low self-esteem was established in a person’s life, early on due to a trauma they experienced.
The question for today is, "Do you control the trauma or does the trauma have control over you?"

Blame – "The trauma made me what I am today." This is a reality that many people live with today. When we continue to blame, we set ourselves up as victims. Whatever you now believe, does not have to be true any longer, you can change.

How come two people can experience the same trauma and come out the other side with two different (opposite) points of view?
Answer: It is their approach, perspective, and attitude about the situation. It boils down to whether they end up reacting or responding to the stimuli.

Often people with low self-esteem hold the opinions of others above their own.
We often give those with initials behind their names more credit than they deserve.

Why do we allow people that we don't even care about, an acquaintance, an associate, a friend, more credence than we give ourselves?

We allow others to do us dirty, to crap on us, and then we excuse that behavior because we feel we deserve it. We bend over time and time again to accept the green weenie.

Some individuals will belittle us and tell us that we have certain character defects. They say we must be nicer and compliant to their wishes, in order for them to acknowledge us.

We often give others credit for being the authority, the expert, because of what we feel we lack. We believe we should be acting differently and find it difficult to do so.
1. We give others authority and power over us. Why?
2. We allow them to decrease our worth. Why?
3. In essence we are giving them the ability to abuse us. Why?

Why should we seek their approval? Why do we want approval from the ones that hurt us and are mean to us? The answer to that question resides in our minds.

One answer may be that through abuse we get acknowledgment of ourselves that we find difficult to give to ourselves.
1. Is that what You deserve?
2. Is that all You are ever going to get?

The way to change from victimhood (not just survivor) to wholeness and completeness, is by becoming a truly empowered individual, to be able to fully extend all of your gifts to others and utilize yourself to the fullest. You must change your beliefs and attitudes. Of the lists given, disabling attitudes, enabling attitudes, which of the words and definitions do you do identify with the most.

Feelings that go along with low self-esteem — disabling attitudes:

Fear - that someone won't like me, if they truly knew us for ourselves.
Worry – maybe they are right, maybe we aren't really good enough. (What if’s)
Selfishness – wanting everything to be perfect in our life and knowing that it's not.
Vanity – looking in the mirror and knowing that we are better than someone else, but nobody recognizes it but you.
Self-criticism – beating ourselves up for not being perfect.
Anger - with ourselves for not being better than we are (Self-criticism).
Envy - looking at others as if they have more than we do or that they deserve more. Desiring the gifts that they have rather than being satisfied with the ones we have.
Greed – always wanting more than what’s been dealt out to us or what we have really worked for.
Hypocritical – feeling one way but acting out in another for selfish reasons.
Prejudiced - feeling that we are better than some gives us a belief that others are better than us.
Why can't we all be equal with different gifts?
Jealousy – being envious of the gifts given to others.
Hate – hating ourselves for not being all that we could or should be.

How others see you, is not important. How you see yourself means everything.

Constructive attitudes — feelings that go along with an empowered individual:

Faith – a strong belief in something that is unprovable. (Faith in yourself.)
Hope – an internal desire and a knowingness that things will turn out all right.
Generosity – always giving others credit for their gifts.
Gratitude – always being thankful for the gifts that you have received.
Aspiration – becoming inspired (In Spirit) in your mind, to excel in life.
Patience/long-suffering – having the wherewithal to stay with a project to the end. (Commitment)(Perseverance)
Sympathy/empathy - being able to relate to others, both when they are suffering and when they are joyful.
Kindness - being courteous and helpful to those who may not see your way of life.
Courage - to forgive others, yourself included, and make changes in your life.
Forgiveness - letting go of the hurt caused by others that stops us from moving ahead.
Duty – the responsibility of believing in ourselves and our abilities, the duty is to ourselves.
Love – to love others as we should love ourselves.

God is love. He provides a filling of that love to everyone who desires it. To receive it, all it takes is a relationship with Him.

Learning to say “NO” is a step in the right direction that many must learn how to do.

Breaking the negative behavioral chains takes work and effort, and a change in attitudes and beliefs.

If we continue to tell ourselves that change is impossible, we are telling ourselves a falsehood, which becomes a truth for us, and we continue to believe the lie.

Step 1—develop the belief that there is an answer, a solution, of which you are not aware of at this moment in time. (Faith and Hope)

Step 2identify the negative aspects that are going on in your life by looking at your results. The results you're getting are a direct result of your thinking.
This will take something on your part, something that has been identified as mindfulness. An honest, rigorous evaluation of your life may be required at this time.

Develop the awareness of who and what you truly are. You are a creation of God equal to every other creation of His. God does not create junk.

Step 3willingness - use whatever method you desire, your own willpower, a coach, a counselor, the church, a friend, a family member, God, to assist you in creating the willingness to change. Without a desire, commitment is almost impossible.

Step 4list every one of your desires to eliminate old negative destructive habits! Add to that list on a daily, weekly, and monthly basis. Typically, the longer the list, the greater the commitment.

Make sure your list only contains the things that you really want.
Do not add anything to the list that you don't want.

Step 5implement the appropriate action. Use discernment and evaluate everything that is going on. Let that knowingness that you're doing the right thing lead you towards your goal.
Identify those things that are holding you back; learn from your mistakes.
Correct those things that you can, either on your own, with the coach, or with the assistance of someone else. Know with certainty that you will never become perfect. Know with certainty that mistakes will happen in your life; accept them.

Put the "Together i Can Philosophy" into practice each and every day.
Life does not have to be, nor should it be, a solo performance.

Repeat steps one through five. Do not let lack of progress or mistakes prevent you from moving forward.

“Slight Edge Philosophy” says that if we continue to practice "Simple Disciplines" as best we can, truths that keep us on the upper portion of the improvement curve, over a long period of time, positive things will occur in our lives.
This is the Law of Cause and Effect.

May you be blessed with the conviction that change towards the positive is a good, wonderful thing and that it is possible in your life.

How much you weigh should have no bearing upon your worth as a human being or have anything to do with determining who you are.
Nor does it have anything to do with success— you are the same person at 120 pounds as you are at 220 pounds.

It does bring into question your health—and I hope that everyone acknowledges that being overweight has proven to have detrimental health consequences.

Self-talk can get us into a positive or negative frame of mind very easily.

I just can’t ever seem to get it right.
I’m just setting myself up for failure; I should quit before I start.
It’s not worth the effort and I’m not worthy of that success anyway.

How or why is it that some people think of themselves very highly and others continually degrade and beat themselves up?
It doesn't make sense that we were born with those feelings (loathing ourselves)!

It does sound reasonable to say that somewhere during our growing up period we were taught to believe, or developed the opinion of ourselves, one way or the other.

It also means to me that if we were taught something and if it was in error or false, then we ought to be able to learn how to correct that mistake. Once we are aware that our thinking is improper or false, we can choose to change it. The choice is ours.

Self-talk can also provide us a path towards positive thinking.

It takes new thoughts, new thinking, new definitions, and new paradigms!

"If we continue to think what we've always thought, we will continue to get what we've always got."

How do you see yourself?
Do you put yourself down often?
Do you stand up for yourself and declare what you believe to be the truth?

Do you believe it's okay to make mistakes and to be wrong? A person with good self-esteem couldn’t care less about making a mistake because they know they will learn lessons through making mistakes.

The process of developing good self-esteem will force you into new beliefs and definitions!

If you don’t believe in Him, learning to believe in God the Creator will begin to open a path to new thinking.

Would you as a creator of something intentionally create a piece of junk? Rational thinking clarifies that the Creator would not create junk or trash. He would create everyone with full capability to do what they were designed to do.

It is only through our own thinking that we choose to denigrate what God has created.

If our parents, teachers, friends, pastors, or priest lied to us, called us stupid or told us we were unworthy, did we choose to believe them or did we rise up against that kind of thinking?

Many times, we will find that we accept that we are good at one thing, but still put ourselves down in many other aspects of our lives. This is typically done because our ego continually compares us with others. Many individuals continually tell themselves that they do not measure up. That is a lie!

Perfectionism seems to be a culprit. It is said that Jesus was the only perfect human. Why is it then that we think we can match that standard?

SUCCESS - “a Progressive Realization of a Worthy Ideal”
Accepting that definition of success allows a person to make mistakes, learn from them, and grow in the process.
Desiring to do well, desiring to do the best we can is a reasonable goal.
Desiring to be perfect is really asinine.

Each individual is given different gifts by the Creator.
(If you believe in a Creator, it helps.)

Not everyone is an Olympic athlete, not everyone can play basketball like Michael Jordan, or be a mathematician like Einstein.
You may not be a PhD or have an MD behind your name. That does not make you less than those who do. Stop comparing yourself with others—compare yourself with the gifts you have been given. Are you utilizing those gifts to the fullest?
I hope everyone reading this can get this concept and accept it as truth.

There is a book title, All You Can Do Is All You Can Do, but All You Can Do Is Enough!
A. L. Williams (A former high school football coach) built a life insurance empire using this concept.

Let go of the idea that success is power, wealth or fame. You do not have to be recognized as being the top performer in your department to be a success and know that you do well.

Develop the idea on the inside that you are doing the very best that you can do at this particular point in time, knowing what you know. Tomorrow that may change!

Don't allow the criticism of others to bring you down mentally. You and you alone have control of your thinking; they do not.

Mental and emotional aspects of life are very important for someone traveling the path towards Optimal Health. The body can be in perfect shape through exercise and diet, but if you have stinking thinking, it is almost impossible for your health to be optimal.

Together (with a coach) i Can

Together (with the assistance of others) i Can

Together (with the assistance of God) i Can


Join us to discuss these topics!

For more information read our other articles or contact us today!

Michael McCright
Free Health Coaching – provided by the "Together i Can Group"
Together i Can Inc.
June 8, 2022

Call 619-316-6900

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